With the start of the New Year, many of us resolved
to make life changing alterations in our behavior. However, after a few days into the New
Year we may already be feeling frustrated, discouraged, disillusioned and even
deflated, questioning whether we can truly incorporate these new behaviors into
our daily lifestyles. Sometimes, we give up on our goals too early in the process
because we are afraid that change is not possible or that we are not
capable of changing.
One challenge that many of us face when trying to
change is that we often expect the changes we envision to occur immediately and
all at once. However, lasting change requires commitment,
a willingness to be compassionate with ourselves when we falter, and an
understanding of process of change.
Change Happens in Stages
Change, though we love to hate it, is an important
part of the human existence; and, often occurs whether we want it or not. Our notions of self-determination and free
will may lead us to conclude that change will occur simply by our
desire to make it so. While a strong desire for change is key, it is also important that we remember that change is a
process. Approximately 2 decades ago, researchers Carlo C. DiClemente and J.O. Prochaska
introduced a theory for understanding the process that we go through when
trying to make a change. The theory of
change suggests that we go through 5 stages when trying to change our behavior.
While the theory of change was initially applied to
understanding the process of changing addictive behaviors, the stages, which include pre-contemplation, contemplation,
preparation, action and maintenance (See
e.g. http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/stages-of-change/all/1/)
have been applied to understanding the processes of changing other behaviors.
“I
know what to do, so why can’t I just do it?”
Depending on where you are in the stage of change
your efforts at trying to change your behavior may be met with a variety of defeating
thoughts including:
·
I feel stuck.
·
Is this change really worth the effort?
·
Can I really change?
·
Do I have what it takes to change?
·
Will the changes I make last?
·
Will others like me if I change?
·
Will I like me if I change?
We Have to Expect Push Back
On the journey to change, we have to expect that we
may encounter push back from our own internal discomfort. Sometimes when trying
to incorporate healthy behaviors or discontinue unhealthy ones, we may
encounter the obstacle of self sabotage.
Self sabotage, our tendency to continue to engaging
in unhealthy behaviors despite the negative impact it may have on our lives, is
an important “pop-up” in our process of change, one that we must learn how to
block effectively.
Understanding the obstacles we may encounter is an
important tool for navigating the path toward change. By preparing ourselves for the internal
obstacles we may encounter we can begin to greet each obstacle with a “Hey,
I’ve been expecting you, and I have just the thing for you” rather than “What
do I do now?”